The Darkest Hour Is Before Dawn

Just when life seems at its bleakest… a few signs appear that restore my faith that I am on the right track, and that fortune does indeed favour the bold. Yesterday, after I had posted my grumbly blog (grumblog?) I received an email from a longtime supporter whom I have not yet had the pleasure of meeting, Markus Bennett from northern California. The photo is of a model of my boat that Markus made for his niece, Eleanor, a year or so ago. With his permission, I would like to share his message with you.

"Ahoy Roz,

This e-mail that I'm sending you now, is potentially awkward at best - and so, I trust that you will receive it in the spirit with which it is given....err, sent. Know that I come to you from the heart.

I just read your blog entry entitled "Larger Debt", and I could barely sit still, as I felt my body react in a visceral "call to action", in answer to your admission of basic needs needed to further your quest (I paced, I did the dishes, I folded my clean laundry, I went for a walk with the dogs - and considered washing my truck, but decided in the end to write you this letter instead - instead of flailing on with more unnecessary busy-ness).

I will admit upfront, that I have in the past, struggled with a rampant "hero complex", which although well meaning at the time, found me harvesting plenty of grief for myself. That is neither here nor there, but I just wanted to air that out with you now, because where I'm going next feels strangely familiar in that regard, but I know that this time it is different... it IS different.

I have long since found much more constructive ways to let my "hero-self" out. I discovered that there is no sense in suppressing this natural aspect of myself - and so now, I concentrate mostly on making it a healthy process of "acting out".

So along those lines, with no further ado, I would like to act out in a healthy fashion with you now.

I am by no means a man of money, in fact I've spent the better part of a decade digging myself out of debt, BUT I want to donate a sizable bit of dosh to you now. It feels right; I have to do this. I would like to extend to you, Roz Savage...a gift of $1,000 dollars PROVIDED THAT somebody else matches these funds towards your cause (i.e. for every donation somebody else makes, I will match same funds up to a maximum of $1000.

I absolutely have no doubts about the outcome to this challenge, and I look forward to "having" to send you the check.

OK Roz, no more "crawling back under the covers" (I know the feeling), better times are here, RIGHT NOW!!! Take this baton I pass to you now, and......kick some ass girl!

As always, sending you love and grace..."

So there we go - $1,000 for the asking - provided I can find the folks to match it. Since my last blog I have already received donations of $150, which I am going to put towards a chartplotter - my old one succumbed to seawater 2 days out from San Francisco, and my trusty Tomtom in-car navigation system is not going to be able to navigate me between all the islands of the South Pacific without shipwreck on a reef.

I know this is a leap of faith - you don't yet know the huge eco-initiative I have planned for this year (and I don't want to announce it until we have all the necessary technology in place - no point getting you all enthused if we don't yet have the facility to sign up) but please trust me on this. Now, more than ever, it is about the message more than the adventure. I will be using my row as a platform for a major grassroots campaign to use less fossil fuel, more human power. It's going to be good - but without the row, it's dead in the water (so to speak).

So please, help me out here. I promise you, I will reward your faith in me. Let's... just do it.

In the interests of transparency, I have decided to publish my list of expedition expenses. This is for Stage 2 of the row. Stage 3… well, we’ll worry about that one later. One stroke (or stage) at a time…

$4,000 Weather forecasting
$5,400 Website redevelopment
$4,500 Electrician’s bill
$9,000 Satellite phone bill (approx $40 per podcast, $35 per blog, $40 per day to download emails, plus phone calls to weatherguy and mother)
$114.95 VHF radio + shipping
$427.00 Chartplotter + shipping
$800.00 100 x freeze-dried/boil-in-bag meals
$500.00 Other food and provisions for voyage
$200.00 Professional splicing services
$150.00 Swivel shackles for sea anchor
$100.00 Cleats for sea anchor tripline
$555.00 Liferaft service

$25,456.95 TOTAL

(Obviously this doesn’t include any living expenses while I am on dry land, nor flights, car rental, etc, but I don’t want to ask you to help with these necessary but less-than-glamourous necessities of life - because I'm not asking for money for me, I'm asking for money for the mission.)

Apologies for yesterday’s broken link to PayPal. I know that quite a number of people weren’t able to get to the page for donations. I'm still having problems with it, so please use the Groundspring donations page of the nonprofit for which I row, the Blue Frontier Campaign - being sure to specify "Roz Savage - The Voyage" from the dropdown box. The Blue Frontier Campaign is a registered 501(c)3 organization, so all donations are tax deductible.

Larger Debt

On certain Facebook pages you have to enter randomly-selected words to prove that you’re a human being. This morning I was faced with the stark words “LARGER” and “DEBT” – not a happy combination, and a reminder that with less than 4 months to go until launch date the expedition coffers are empty.

And today has continued to be, well, just one of those days when I feel like crawling back under the covers and waiting for better times to arrive.

Indulge me a moment while I share my pity party. Despite dozens of inquiries, I still have nowhere under cover to store my boat. I want to work on the boat today, but it’s pouring with rain here in Hawaii. Several projects are running behind schedule. Various technological questions are still to be answered. And there is no money to throw at the problem.

And then somebody posts an ill-informed comment suggesting that I should give it all up. I can’t blame them for being ill-informed – I haven’t yet announced my big, exciting environmental initiative for this year - but although I know that “it is not the critic who counts” it was unfortunate timing and it hurts to be kicked when I am already down.

So how to deal with these days of gloom and grey? I have retreated to the Kalapawei Café for some coffee shop therapy with my journal and a latte. I’ll share part of today’s entry:

“It’s one of those frustrating periods of stuckness when it seems nothing can possibly be finished in time…. Until the stuckness ends and is succeeded by a period of rapid progress and dizzying change. I haven’t yet figured out a way to trigger that transition, apart from just to keep plugging away until things start to flow again. If it was easy, everybody would be doing it. Keep doing the right things for the right reasons. Know that I feel a calling to do this - and that there is nothing else that I can do but to keep faith in the process, and know that it will all be worthwhile – eventually.”

And so I turn to my To Do list, and pick up the phone… (sigh).

Other stuff:

Today Oliver Hicks set out from Tasmania on his bid to be the first person to row solo around the world. His voyage around the Southern Ocean is slated to take 500 days. “New Zealand safety authorities said Hicks was exposing himself to extreme risk and the likelihood of a rescue being needed was significant.” Good luck, Ollie – you know more than most about rowing in the colder latitudes, and I wish you all the very best. You can follow Ollie's adventure here.

Since arriving in Hawaii I have been busy networking, picking up contacts from previous visits, and making many new friends, notably at Sunday’s Ala Wai Challenge. Thanks to Jeff Apaka for inviting me to appear at the event, and thanks to all who showed such interest in my adventures both past and future. I am looking forward to working with all my Hawaiian friends in the run-up to my launch on May 15.

If you’d like to cheer me up, a few dollars would help brighten my day. Every $ counts – as does the knowledge that you care enough to share. Donations can be made here via PayPal.

A couple of new podcasts have gone live in the last few days, so by way of apology for not having blogged for a week, here is more than enough Savage Verbiage to keep you going! Me in conversation with my friend and Podcast Sister Anna Farmery...

The Engaging Brand - Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway (Part 1)
The Engaging Brand - Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway (Part 2)