Sunday, June 14, 2009

Day 21 - International Day of the Bottom

Day 21 – International Day of the Bottom

Just the other day (World Oceans Day, I think) I was remarking how
important it is to have days of appreciation for things that go
unappreciated the remaining 364 days of the year. Well, today it
occurred to me that there is an important date currently missing from
the calendar – the International Day of the Bottom.

There they are, doing one of the body's less glamorous jobs, day in, day
out, without complaint. And what thanks do they get for it? Precious
little.

In fact, I even lost my bottom for a while and barely noticed it. It
happened while I was rowing the Atlantic. A friend remarked, shortly
after my return, that he was going to send out a search party across the
ocean to try and find Roz's missing bottom. I found a full-length mirror
and sure enough, there it was gone. I'd lost so much weight it had all
but disappeared. I'd noticed I was having problems keeping my trousers
up, but other than that I hadn't even noticed. Out of sight is out of
mind.

In fact, we generally show our bottoms a disgraceful lack of respect.
Just because of their proximity to some of the human body's less
fragrant functions, they have become figures of fun. Or, if you're
British, embarrassment. This is reflected in our range of names for them
– from the euphemistic (posterior, derriere, backside) to the biological
(buttocks, gluteus maximus) to the colloquial (bum, ass, arse, tush,
sure-you-can-think-of-lots-more).

As with so many body parts, it's only when they are damaged or painful
that we pay them attention. (I am talking about appreciating one's own
bottom here, not other people's. That is another subject entirely.) As
the current possessor of a bottom as red as a baboon's, I am suddenly
very much more aware of, and grateful for, my generally neglected nether
regions. I am impatient for them to heal so I can get back to a full
rowing schedule.

So pour yourself a glass and let's drink a toast to tushes. Let's put
the fun back in fundament. Celebrate the beauty of buttocks. Appreciate
our asses.

Bottoms up!

[Note: this blog is in no way intended to be disrespectful towards World
Oceans Day, World Environment Day, etc. They are valuable dates in
bringing vital issues to general awareness and I fully support them in
every way.]


Other Stuff:

I've been enjoying listening to the fantasy books of Terry Goodkind
(great distraction from painful bum). But I'm having a problem with the
proper nouns, and I hope someone can help me. I can't make out many of
the names, or not with any degree of certainty. The hero – his first
name is Richard, but what is his last name. Rall? Raul? His two
henchwomen – Cara? What is she – a Mordsith? And Nikki? It certainly
sounds like Nikki, but this seems to be a name better befitting a
hairdresser than a Slave Queen and Sorceress. Richard's grandfather –
Zed? Zeb? And the villain – sounds like Jegang but I very much doubt
it's spelled that way. If anyone can help me out with these, plus names
of any witches, evil forces, and place names, I'd be most grateful.

And now I need to get this blog posted so I can go lie down again and
get my buttocks in the air. If only Nikki the hairdresser/sorceress
could come work some magic from the netherworld (!) and make my bum
better!

Weather report:

Position
Wind: 15-50kts ENE
Seas: 6ft ENE, quite choppy
Weather: some clouds, but still wicked hot

Weather forecast courtesy of weatherguy.com:

The easterly trade winds persist in the 20kt range. Seas 5-7ft.

Forecast below is for a SWerly course.
Date/Time HST Wind kts Seas (ft)
12/1800-18/0000 E-ENE 15-20 5-7

Sky conditions: Partly cloudy next few days. Isolated rainshowers but
higher chance than yesterday.

30 comments:

  1. extremesanity7:24 am GMT

    Awesome. :D

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  2. Your bum looks very painful. How can you even row with that much inflammation on your backside.

    What a bummer.


    Cheers,
    Gregory A Johnson

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  3. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  4. Anonymous10:44 am GMT

    I'm new to your whole effort, but is your touchy tushy issue new or is this something that bothered you during your Atlantic row or your Stage 1 row?

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  5. They actually made those books into a TV series i just watched on hulu. Richard's Grandfather's name is Zed, or Zeddicus Zul Zerander. (might not have spelled it right, but whatever).

    The other names i think they might have changed for the TV show. So i can't completely help you (holding back some because of spoilers)

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  6. Caroline12:01 pm GMT

    LOL Roz.

    Bottoms up!

    Cx

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  7. Characters:
    Richard Cypher (Rahl)
    Kahlen Amnell
    Zeddicus Zu'l Zorander (Zedd)
    Darken Rahl (found to be Richard's father later)
    the Mord-Sith put the collar on Richard
    Sister Nicci may be the "Nikki" you're wondering about.

    I tend to remember names etc. by visualizing how they're spelled, so I understand wanting to know what they LOOK like. :) Sometimes I can let go of that compulsion by thinking like someone listening to a story around a fire, pre-literately. But not often. :)

    Hope your bum is going to be ok.

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  8. During the Atlantic row your Mum mused that she hoped you averted Monty's eyes when you applied oil to your 'sit upon'.

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  9. Too bad there isn't a way for you to row standing up for a while. Seriously if I could loan you my big backside for the trip I totally would. A disappearing behind sounds thrilling. :D Just not one as red as a baboon's! ;)

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  10. slainte Roz wonderfully said ! to the wonderful back side which is underated , often hidden and always pinched ... !!! our cozy personal cushion when we are tired and weary ;) delighted to be part of your journey .. safe travels ... Kittibee :))

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  11. Hey Roz, the red is clearly the shape of the seat. Would it help if you were to remove the black seat from the white sliding platform -- sit directly on the white sliding platform so your weight is spread more evenly across the entire surface of your bottom side? Someone suggested towels ... I suppose they would not stay dry long, but think a thick dry ventilated cushion would help evenly distribute your contact and separate you from that hard unbreathing surface. Try it and see how it feels, butt be careful not to lose any parts or screws and such ;-D

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  12. check outmy blog on cruise humor
    http://cruisinghumor.blogspot.com/

    ReplyDelete
  13. Anonymous4:36 pm GMT

    wow! That looks very painful! I never thought about what my bum does for me day in and day out, I like the International Day of the Bottom, that is really funny.

    From the looks of it, there isn't broken skin yet, so that is good. It looks like there is some cracking that has started, which is good that you're taking a rest from aggravating it further. I'm not sure if that bump at 2 o'clock on the photo is a blister or a heat bump. If there is blistering, the worst thing you can do is to try and pop it, do anything you can to not break the skin where bacteria can enter the bloodstream. If it's a heat bump, that would be better, it will just shrink on its own. I've read that food that supposedly reduces inflammation is walnuts, flax (oil), pineapple, and green tea.

    Some steroid/cortisone, perscription strength cream would really help that inflammation, I think you'd be amazed. Is there any way you can get a friend/suppporter to sail out there to bring you stuff that could help? Being just the beginning of your row, it would be awful to have to live with that for the next 2.5 months! Someone suggested rowing at night, that might be a good idea as sweat is only going to make it worse.

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  14. Probably should let that heal. Keep dry and avoid rowing for two days to see how the damage reacts.
    of course check with your doctor and follow her advice. I'm sorry for you discomfort.

    Texino

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  15. I have a great deal of respect for someone who:
    1. Acknowledges the importance of the Bottom
    2. I willing to bare their soul (and Bottom) for the edification of others
    3. Can turn all that into a good bit of writing

    This makes you a triple threat (and they say in the athletic world; I was going to say "sporting world" - but I thought it might be misinterpreted).

    Godspeed - hope the conditions of your stereo and bottom continue/start to improve.

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  16. "It takes a village" has new meaning ... Roz's red rump rally will surely go down in the annals of history ;-D

    Get well soon, Roz! We're all behind you!

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/It_Takes_a_Village

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  17. Anonymous7:50 pm GMT

    I remember you had bum trouble last year also on your row. Surely something can be done to prevent this. I hope infection does not set in. Best wishes Roz.

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  18. Anonymous8:50 pm GMT

    I checked on the spelling:
    People:
    Kahlan Amnell
    Jagang

    the Mrsiwiths
    General Meiffert

    Places:
    D'Hara
    Aydindril
    Anderith
    Altur 'Rang

    Misc:
    Jacopo Treasure
    Dominie Dirtch
    Bandakar Empire

    -Dore from Hawaii

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  19. Michelle from Canada10:15 pm GMT

    oh poor you - that looks so painful. Yes do take care that this does not get infected...

    Good point on our tendency to not appreciate cetain things until they don't work anymore, especially the unglamourous things like bums and feet...could even take that further to unglamourous jobs...

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  20. excelent idea for a holiday, I fully support it.

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  21. Your bottom does look very painful.
    Adventerers of old were not kidding when they said that such journeys as yours come with a great deal of discomfort and privations.
    Keep after it and best of luck!

    www.lifeseedco.blogspot.com

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  22. Ouch that must be hurting bad!Great progress despite that!

    Good luck!!

    chaitra

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  23. Tweet: "taking day off" ... is that what you call pulling 3,167 strokes, 8 miles in 6 hours since that last tweet? Relax, heal! And remember Ship's Rule 88: don't moon the sun

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  24. Mike Rogero11:32 am GMT

    oh good gosh... I read this on the "kids version" on Facebook, which clearly lacks all the punch of the photo inclusion and accompanying cringe....ooooh that looks so painful!

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  25. Ouch! You're brave to show off your bummed bum to the whole world. I certainly hope that gets you feeling better!

    Sorry about not being able to help you with the names, and poo on that guy who revealed a spoiler in his information about Richard's father. Shame on him.

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  26. I second the world bottom day! And toasting tushies around the world - albeit one day late. I remember my first week as a dinghy instructor when suddenly I couldn't bear to walk, move, breath as my whole nether regions front and back were covered in what could only be described as a full blown nappy rash. Sudocreme is some amazing stuff if you haven't discovered it yet.

    Hope the healing is coming along!
    best
    Cordelia (aka coco)

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  27. You bring a whole new meaning to "flying by the seat of your pants". . . It is great to see that your sense of humor is in better shape than your south-side. I am sure that you are doing all that you can to get on track again so all I can say is that I hope you heal quickly.

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  28. You couldn't bring an outboard motor, but butt rouge is ok? ;)

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  29. I make a creme I call Shepherd's Friend Hand Creme in my Cuisinart. I'm a shepherd in New York State and my hands take a beating. My creme would work fantastically on your bottom. It's made from organic jojoba oil, sweet almond oil, shea butter, beeswax, vitamin e and essential oil of lavender (for healing). Where can I send you some? Are you going to put into port somewhere soon? I'd be honored if you would try a free sample (with no expectation of future purchases!!!)

    ReplyDelete

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