Thursday, August 27, 2009

Day 95 - Putting A Brave Face On It

Conditions were perfect today – if I wanted to go west. I could have
made 40 miles to the good. But unfortunately more west is the last thing
I want, so I have spent the whole day with the sea anchor out. The oars
have lain idle, and I've finished the day further away from Tuvalu than
I was at the start. I wonder if Neptune didn't like my equatorial
offerings. Perhaps Ginger Snap isn't his favorite flavor Larabar,
because he was not being generous to me today.

It's ironic. Today I have been listening to "The Astonishing Power of
Emotions" by Esther and Jerry Hicks. They are talking about aligning
with your better self – the idea is that when we want something, we only
have to allow it to happen. The universe WANTS our wishes to be granted.
When we allow this fulfillment of our desires to take place, we feel
good. When we resist, we feel bad.

And the analogy they use is a canoe on a river – and they urge their
listeners to "let go of the oars" and go with the flow.

As I sit here on the sea anchor, resisting the strong tradewinds that
are trying to push me west, this analogy seems either too apt – or not
apt at all. I'm all in favor of going with the flow – but which flow am
I meant to be going with? The natural flow of the tradewinds heading
west, or the man-made flow that is drawing me towards Tuvalu?

I really appreciate all the comments urging me to focus on the positive,
take it as it comes, etc. It's all fine in theory, and knowing myself as
I do I know that they will eventually filter through into my attitudes
and thinking. But just at the moment, as I come up on 100 days on the
ocean and with no end in sight, it's sometimes a struggle to put it into
practice. Today I have been a total grouch. Nothing more you guys can do
– apart from keeping the encouragement coming. And allow me my pity
party for now. With your help, I'll get through it. I just need to keep
my head together and keep on pushing.

[Photo: I'm told that when you smile, the smiling muscles actually
interact with your emotions and make you feel better. So here I am,
giving it a try. Hmmm, not convinced. Another bottle of bubbly would
probably be more effective!]

Other Stuff:

I've tried to stay busy today so as not to get too introspective, but
there isn't an awful lot to do on a 23-foot rowboat. I scrubbed the
decks, and tried once again to fix the watermaker but was unsuccessful. I
edited and uploaded a video of my Equatorial celebrations for tomorrow's
video RozCast on YouTube (with me performing traditional ocean dance...!).
It was too hot in the cabin to spend much time in there, so I mostly lay
on deck in the shade of my bimini between my rowing seat runners and
listened to Jerry Hicks. Lying on the deck is not super-comfortable,
especially now I'm a bit more bony than I was at the start of the voyage,
but it's not bad if I manage to arrange my limbs in just the right way
around the runners and the rowing seat. I had to duck into the cabin from
time to time to avoid sudden rainshowers, but otherwise it was quite
pleasant – when I managed to forget the fact that I was heading the wrong

Thank you for all the really fab comments on my last blog. They
seriously cheered me up – a much-needed tonic. Especially liked the idea
about having Johnny Depp greet me in Tuvalu – now THAT would be a
powerful motivator! Although he may not be that impressed by a
semi-starved, grimy, sea-spotty waif with matted hair pitching up on the
beach. Where is a floating salon when I need one?!

Great to see comments coming in from the people in Tuvalu. I'll be with
you just as soon as I can. Please reach out across these last miles and
reel me in!

UncaDoug – I really appreciate the trail of carrots scattered across the
ocean. Bit I wonder if you could let me know where they are? Maybe by
latitude would be easiest? There might be some nights when the prospect
of an upcoming carrot motivates me to spend a bit longer at the oars!

Weather report:

Position at 1950 HST: 00 22.169S, 178 49.774E
Wind: 20kts ESE
Seas: short, steep wind waves about 6ft
Weather: sunshine and showers